The Sonnet Requiem
As I gaze in to her eyes
I cannot help but feel pain
My heart forevermore tries
To stray from feeling feign
One day, she will die
The terribly sad truth
The only thing I can ask is why
As I sit, alone in a restaurant
booth
These thoughts drive me insane
I try to clear them from close
memory
Though they never really leave my
brain
And effect all my emotions, sensory
Love of mine, someday you will die
And fear not, for I’ll be close
behind
I really like this poem. It is deep and has a moving message. 'Tis hard to think about death and parting ways with loved ones in general. The painful struggle within your mind and heart are evident, but I can also clearly see the hope which comes from your Christian view that there is a potential life after death.
ReplyDeleteThe eighth line, "As I sit alone in a restaurant booth", is particularly interesting because the relatively long meter (in comparison to the rest of the poem) and the use of your location (restaurant booth) sets that line apart. The eighth line feels awkward - in a good way; I don't want to make you be offended - and thereby draws attention to itself, causing the reader to ponder... Is there significance in the restaurant booth? Perhaps there was an event at this place which sparked the creativity that became The Sonnet Requiem? I also like the unexpected break between the last two lines; this is unconventional in a sonnet, but displays clever artistic license and effectively creates a bold transition from the author's despair to hope.
I do have one criticism however; no worries, this is a constructive criticism intended to help you further your abilities as a writer. This is NOT a true sonnet. Sonnet's are characterized by their use of iambic pentameter. Not every line could be read with the natural unstressed, stressed cadence of iambic pentameter; likewise, not every line had ten syllables, as would be required to be in iambic pentameter. But, as far as the other requirements - 14 lines, the proper distribution of quatrains, the abab/cdcd/efef/gg rhyme scheme - your poem is spot on!!
Keep up the good work :)